That’s right. I had to name the betch.
I named her. I personified her. Why? Because she’s mean, she’s rude, she’s a liar and she is nothing the real Meghan wants to be. I had to take control of her somehow and realizing that those anxious thoughts DO NOT DEFINE ME, unless I let them, drove me to pretend she was just an evil, negative bitch living inside my mind.
Imagine the old “angel and devil” scenario… except here, Karen wears a goofy dragon suit. Why? Well, because, bitmoji’s costume choices do not have a Devil option currently. So Dragon Karen it is.
I hope to illustrate some of my internal battles with myself here through my bitmojis and story telling… which I think will both be helpful for me and maybe, hopefully, helpful for anyone who is reading this with anxious feelings or anxiety/depression. We all have a Karen… and it’s time to call the bitch out.
You see, Karen has held me back from a lot of things in my life, including starting this blog. She tells me all kinds of things like,
“Are you sure you want to put all this shit out there for the public to read? No one actually cares.”
“Everyone is going to judge the absolute shit out of you. Have fun with that.”
“You don’t have any REAL “struggles”, nice try. People have it way harder than you.”
“You look fat in that outfit, stop trying to pull off short rompers.”
It’s so god damn frustrating to literally argue with yourself about every little thing your heart sends out the desire to do, to not trust yourself, to wonder;
This is anxiety… well, among many other things of course, but this soul sucking thought process is the beating, bloody heart of shit-ass, low down, no good anxiety. It holds us back from pursuing our dreams. It tells us we are not good enough or ever will be, or will never be successful. It tells us we can’t say what we want to say or wear what we want to wear. It makes us scared of other people’s opinions. It makes us become silent, secluded, negative, and unsure.
Let’s be real… I can’t think of one single person who would WANT to be what I just described. Karens live and feed off of anyone who chooses to entertain her. Sometimes it’s a dark, and scary and looming place. Sometimes she keeps us sucked in for months or even years and it’s really hard to see the light. But, throughout the darkness, we all need to remind ourselves that this crap we tell ourselves IS NOT WHO WE ARE!! We do not have to view and live life this way. We can tell KAREN to TAKE A FUCKING SEAT AND SHUT UP. No matter how hard that may be, and GAWD please know I have been there, I’m still there often and it is SO DAMN HARD to ignore her… but, when you decide you’re going to just DO THE DAMN THING- whether that’s starting a blog, finally wearing those hawt short shorts you keep putting on but taking off before you leave the house because “your legs are fat and cratery”, going out in public with no make up, starting your own business, quitting your job and going back to school or taking freakin’ selfies every week for a year- and you REALLY tell that dragon-faced sloot Karen “GTFO, I OWN THIS SHIT!” ….there is no power or love for yourself greater than that.
Disclaimer to all people named Karen: those of you that I know, I love you and this character is not based on any particular individual. It’s only to illustrate anxiety in a relatable way and well…. the name just goes well with phrases like “No one asked you, Karen!” or “Shut up, Karen!” So, to all the Karens out there… please don’t take offense. You’re awesome.
……Unless you’re just like my anxiety, in which case… due to unforeseen circumstances, we can’t be friends.