I want to take this time to recognize how hard you’ve been working on your heart and your mental health. Remember the last few years? Remember how awesome they were but also how much your anxiety took over your ability to fully enjoy those things? Remember all those panic attacks and the heaviness? Remember how alone and desperate you felt? Remember all the validation you thought you needed from friends and family who just didn’t know how to give it? Remember just moving through life, going through the motions, with no sense of your purpose?
Some days I wish I could just shut my brain off. Some days, from the moment I wake up, my head is already full of swirling thoughts, goals, tasks and worries. Sometimes, I can’t even pinpoint the source of my worry… it just feels heavy. When days like this happen, I try to go through the list of things that help me cope with my anxiety (see that list here!) but sometimes, ‘Karen’ just wins.
I named her. I personified her. Why? Because she’s mean, she’s rude, she’s a liar and she is nothing the real Meghan wants to be. I had to take control of her somehow and realizing that those anxious thoughts DO NOT DEFINE ME, unless I let them, drove me to pretend she was just an evil, negative bitch living inside my mind.